Shit

WARNING! This post is going to be nothing other than a BIG whinge.

December was a great month for me, the best I had had in a long time. I had begun eliminating toxins as I mentioned in my last post and I had also started on the ‘Wahls’ diet with great success. I had more energy, clarity, better sleep, less inflammation and even my POTS was significantly improved … and then ….. the same thing happened that ALWAYS happens when ever I try anything new … I had a massive crash again.

I am so ANGRY ANGRY ANGRY that I can’t even put it into words. I did nothing wrong at all … haven’t been overdoing it in anyway … just woke up one morning feeling so ill that I spent the day in bed wondering if I were going to die. I know this feeling is familiar to many of you. It sucks! So, for the last two weeks I have been badly crashed and have been trying to work out what went wrong? I thought maybe the diet had caused too many toxins to mobilize and I had poisoned myself, which is highly likely. I also thought the liver inflammation/hepatitis that I had a few months ago might be back, also quite likely. And, maybe it’s just total coincidence and the stupid disease has just decided to have another dig at me!

I feel like I have really tried my hardest to stay positive and be proactive in trying to find ways forward, but everything I try ends in disaster, and I am just so tired now. I’m tired of trying, I am tired of staying positive and putting on a happy face. I feel like shit, the whole situation is shit. I’m severely ill, I’m alone, I am middle aged and relying on my parents (who have been incredible) and friend Michael to take care of my basic needs. It’s like being in solitary confinement in jail for years on end and every few days a prison guard come in and gives you a beating. But I did nothing wrong, I don’t deserve to be here. To top it off, the only people that care in any way are my immediate family and others who are in the same boat …. No one else gives a toss about any of us, not government or doctors or even those who used to be our friends before we became ill.

ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For the first time I have no plan and no idea how to move forward and to be honest for the moment I don’t want to … I just want to tread water for a while and have a break. Wouldn’t it be nice to be able to have break??!!

Reducing toxic load

I have been doing a lot of thinking about what things are possibly affecting me in a negative way and what kind of positive changes I can make. It‘s become clear to me that I am overloaded with all sorts of toxins and the number one step is to avoid the offending substances where possible, the number two step is to detox whatever I can. So here is what I have come up with:

I know I have a really heavy toxic load from Solvents. I have done lots of reading about this and it seems the only real thing I can do is to slowly detox through diet. For someone not as sick as me saunas or FIR saunas and exercise would also help. There are some supplements such as Glycene, Taurine and Cysteine which help but I’d prefer to try and get as much as I can with food because at this point in time I tend to react to any new medications including supplements.

I have amalgam fillings in my mouth, which means mercury. Nothing I can do about this now but maybe in the future if I am well enough to get to a dentist I could have them replaced.

Food allergy/intolerances. I have been gluten free, dairy free and low sugar for quite some time but I still have gut issues. I have managed to clear up helicobactor pylori, bacterial overgrowth and candida .. but still something odd is going on. I believe that it’s actually part of the autonomic dysfunction that goes along with ME/CFS. So if I can improve my overall health then maybe this will also improve.

I drink water out of the tap which has fluoride, chlorine and other nasties in it. So, I have just ordered a good quality water filter. I never really thought much about this one but I recently heard someone say that because we are made up mostly of water it’s important that the quality of water we put in our bodies is clear from nasties … makes perfect sense!

Pesticides. I don’t eat organic meat, fruit and veggies because they are sooo expensive, but I am going to try and stuffle my budget a little so I can start to do this where possible. Also I bought some seeds for veggies that are easy to grow in pots, so maybe I can produce some safe veggies at home.

Chemicals at home. I have already taken care of this as much as I can. No chemical cleaning products or paints etc sitting around anywhere. My cleaner just uses vinegar and bicard soda. I assume there are chemicals in my toothpaste that I could eliminate, but one thing at a time …

I don’t think I have any mould anywhere at home, so that is taken care of.

Aside from taking these steps to clean myself up I have been looking REALLY closely at diet so I can start to eat in a way that will promote elimination of free radicals and will support mitochondrial, brain and CNS function I have been reading Terry Wahls book ‘Minding My Mitochondria’. It’s a very interesting and insightful read and I will talk about this in my next post.