Thursday, March 11, 2010
I’m really really really ANGRY!!!!!!!!!!!!
No matter how shitty life has been or how bad I feel I always remind myself that at least I am able to care for the people that matter to me. Well even that has just slipped away. Someone really important to me had something dreadful happen today and there was nothing I could do. In the past I would have hopped in my car and driven over to ‘be there’ but all I could do was sit on the end of the phone and say how sorry I was …. which was totally useless. I’m so angy, this stupid fucking illness has not only ruined my life but it’s now ruining my ability to be of use to others. I’m so worried about my friend and I don’t even have the strength to pace up and down. How do you convince yourself that there is any hope when you are forced to miss THE most important moments in life.
Another friend of mine has CFS and he missed my partners funeral and his daughters wedding because if it. I now know how he must have felt …. How can you expect someone to forgive you for being absent when it really counts when your excuse is an invisible illness ….. IT”S ALL JUST SHIT ……..